14. GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE
SEPTEMBER 3, 1993
No One Dares Come Close!
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CLEVELAND
CINEMATHEQUE
WHERE ARE W.E
9/3 & 9/4 at 7:40 & 9:25 pm STRIP JACK NAKED, Ron Peck's autobiographical film about the making of his 1978 gay classic "Nighthawks." Premiere! 9/17 & 9/18 at 8 & 9:35 pm
WHERE ARE WE?: OUR TRIP THROUGH AMERICA. The makers of "Common Threads" travel thru the South, talking to gays in the military and others. Cleve. premiere!
At Cleveland Institute of Art * A NEW ROAD MOVIE BY ACADEMY AWARD 11141 East Boulevard * 421-7450
WINNERS ROB EPSTEIN AND JEFFREY FRIEDMAN
Regency Wine
Specializing in Fine Wines.
NAZI
Monday-Saturday 10:00-9:00 Sunday 1:00-6:00
2683 West Market St. Fairlawn Town Centre Akron, Ohio 44333
(216) 836-3447
Mark Davison Licensed Massage Therapist
$10.00 off your first visit when you mention this ad.
Gift Certificates Available Call for Appointment: 216/535-8262
PSYCHED OUT
When should we come out-and to whom?
by Keith A. Oliver, Ph.D. As a mental health professional, many of my clients often struggle with the issue of coming out. Should I? To whom? When? How? There is no simple answer to these questions. There are, however, some guidelines that may be helpful to the process of making these decisions.
The "Should I?" question continues to be debated by individuals in the gay community. Some say, "What I do in bed is no one's business but mine," or, "I do not need to be out." Others believe we should be out to everyone. Indeed, whether or not someone chooses to come out is a personal decision. Perhaps the word choice is the key variable.
The decision to come out or not might be most easily examined as to the degree of choice involved in the decision. In general, if a person cannot come out, or has to always come out, then some personal exportation may be helpful in understanding this dynamic. Not being able to come out may be based on realistic or unrealistic fears, or it may be shame-based. If the lack of choice is based on shame or unrealistic fears, then it is difficult for an individual to fully achieve a balanced life, one as fulfilling as possible in a heterosexist-homophobic society.
It often becomes difficult for us to honestly answer these questions. We all have defenses for the purpose of keeping us physically and psychologically safe. Thus, it is important for us to have support systems that can challenge us to examine our defenses to determine if rather than keeping us safe, the defense is keeping us stuck. If we are stuck, then most likely our life is not balanced, and growth is retarded. From a psychological
perspective, it appears that the ability to choose to come out coincides with healthy levels of self esteem, and sense of self.
Further, it appears that among non-gay people, just having contact with "known" lesbian-gay individuals reduces their level of homophobia. This seems to occur regardless of whether the non-gay person views the contact as positive or negative.
The question of to "Whom to come out to?" again is a personal decision. However, minimally one must be out to those with whom we will have a close personal relationship. If a close personal relationship is not part of the picture, then there may be a variety of valid reasons to come out or not. Personal safety is certainly a valid reason not to come out as well as emotional or
psychological safety. These two reasons begin to address the "When?" question.
I suggest that individuals postpone coming out until they can accept the range of possible responses. Also, it is important to wait until a strong network of affirming people is available. As a result, psychological safety is enhanced and support or celebration during the process is ensured.
It is also important to remember that family and long time friends may need some time to adjust. Thus, I suggest that "How" one chooses to come out takes adjustment and initial reaction time into consideration. The closer the prior relations.ip, such as family or long time school chum, the more adjustment time that may be needed. The initial reaction may not represent the long term reaction.
Dr. Oliver is a psychology assistant with Mark Harris and Associates in Columbus.
IN BUSINESS
All that cool stuff your parents threw out is back
Big Fun
1827 Coventry Road Cleveland Heights
by Gayle Franco
When I first stepped through the doors of Big Fun on Coventry, I thought I had found the place my mother sent all my really cool stuff once she'd decided my idea of cleaning out my closets and drawers wasn't quite thorough enough.
I literally fell back in time to the long forgotten childhood days of my too-distant
Gotta get
to...
BIG FUN
Chery
youth. I practically ran from counter to counter, display case to display case, forgetting that crying out "I used to have one of these!" is probably considered odd when one is shopping alone. But at Big Fun, this type of behavior is not only welcome, it's highly encouraged.
The Cleveland Heights store has become a neighborhood staple, and is located near CWRU, John Carroll and Cleveland State University. The delightfully nostalgic items
and affordably priced collectibles are the real thing: 85 percent of the store's merchandise is "new old stock" that has been sitting, forgotten, in warehouses for decades.
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Fun-filled fantasy items include antique tin toys, sea monkeys, spud guns, x-ray glasses and gag gifts to keep even the most ardent practical joker busy. “A person might not purchase anything on the first visit," says owner and founder Steve Presser. "But we don't worry. They'll be back."
Prepare to spend most of your time browsing down your own personal memory lane, stocked with over 3,000 items, all housed within the store's own hodgepodge of Cleveland history. The wood floor is made from sections of old bowling alleys from Shaker Heights' Kinsman-Lee Lanes. The light fixtures originally hung in the first floor of Higbee's downtown store. And open the 1930s card catalog from the Cleveland Public Library slowly to not disturb the scores of fake ants, spiders and creepy crawlers nestling among the many old-time buttons, pins and fun jewelry.
You'll leave with your budget intact as well as your recharged memories. This is one place where you still get change back from your dollar without any nasty heartburn to worry about. And if you're too young to remember any of these great items, you'll have a blast seeing what we mean when we say, "In my day, the toys were..." Big Fun is located at 1827 Coventry Road. Hours are Tues-Wed 12-6 pm; Thurs 12-8 pm; Fri 12-10 pm; Sat 11-10 pm; Sun 12-5 pm; closed Monday. Call 371-4-FUN (371-4386).